MUDVAYNE Headline Tour Pre-sales

Hey fellow MUDVAYNE fans...
I just got word from the MUDVAYNE gang that more Headline Dates will be available for Pre-sale Wednesday Fenruary 23rd at 5pm EST.

and YOU can get first crack at the tickets..

Sun 04/03/05 East Peoria, IL East Peoria Convention Center
Tue 04/05/05 Toronto, ON Kool Haus
Wed 04/06/05 Montreal, QC Metropolis
Fri 04/08/05 Hartford, CT Webster Theater
Sat 04/09/05 Philadelphia, PA Electric Factory
Sun 04/10/05 Worcester, MA The Palladium
Tue 04/12/05 New York, NY Roseland
Wed 04/13/05 Washington, DC 9:30 Club
Sat 04/16/05 Norfolk, VA Norva

Tickets for these shows can be pre-ordered here.https://tix.artistarena.com/mudvayne/
username mudvayne
password april12

Stay tuned for more!

ALSO, GET YOUR ULTIMATE LOST AND FOUND FAN PACK INCLUDING: THE NEW LOST AND FOUND CD, MUDVAYNE T-SHIRT, AND LIMITED EDITION GUERILLA TOUR POSTER ONLY WHILE THEY LAST AT THE MUDVAYNE STORE!
http://www.mudvayne.com/store

47th Annual GRAMMY Rock Awards

So, it’s all over but the crying, and those who won a GRAMMY are forever immortalized in music history. Well, at least until next year. It takes the patience of Jobe to sit through the entire long, agonizing, painful, process, just to hear the awards for the Rock Categories. Good news, I managed so make it through the whole show and it only took 2 Jack and Cokes with a side order of Valium.

Here’s how it worked out.

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
(For a solo vocal performance, Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy went to….
Code Of Silence
Bruce Springsteen
Track from: The Essential Bruce Springsteen
[Columbia Records]

I’m sorry, but WHAT?!?!
True, Bruce is a genius at songwriting and his live performances have set the standard for what a rock concert should be, however I have a hard time calling anything that he has written or performed in the last 20 years as ROCK. Maybe it’s time to create a new category called “Old Fart Almost Rock”. I think we could fit a couple of Grammy winners in that category. There are a lot of things you can admire about Mr. Springsteen, however his Vocals aren’t really one of them. I put him in the Joe Cocker category of “Hey, if he can do it, anybody can”. Considering that he was up against such huge ROCK vocal giants as Ryan Adams?, Steve Earle?, and Melissa Etheridge?, I guess we were better of with the Bruce. Hey, does anybody at the Recording Academy listen to Rock anymore?

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal
(For duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy Went to…
Vertigo
U2
[Interscope Records]

This makes number 15 for Bono and the boys and a worthy victory considering they were up against Killer, Franz Ferdinand, Elvis Costello, and Green Day. Look at the contenders, I’m glad to see U2 got the Grammy. Let’s face it, at least their still rocking. It was nice to see Elvis in the lineup, but he’s a prime candidate for my new category.

Best Hard Rock Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy goes to…
Slither
Velvet Revolver
[RCA]

Hell Yeah! Here’s a worthy Grammy, and the band deserves it. Nobody can argue the fact that Velvet Revolver is all about the rock, and their new album is a testament to the way it should be done. I’m glad to see this win, and only wish that they would have been nominated for many more.

Best Metal Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, with vocals. Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy goes to…
Whiplash
Motörhead
[Big Deal Records]

Motörhead?!?! Holy shit Batman, maybe the Academy is listening to Rock. Motörhead has been throwing out Metal for years and it’s great to see the Grammy go to the warlords of Rock and Roll. Congratulations Guys! I got the first round. It’s an impressive win considering they were up against some seriously appropriate competition from; Slipknot, Hatebreed, Killswitch Engage and Cradle of Filth. What a lineup! I only wish that the other categories would have had such a great talent up for the awards.
Cradle of Filth up for a Grammy? Who would have thought? Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Or just the realization of the progression of Rock music and the talented artists that are in the trenches everyday.

Best Rock Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Includes Rock, Hard Rock and Metal. Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy goes to…
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow
Brian Wilson
Track from: Brian Wilson Presents Smile[Nonesuch Records]

WHAT?!?! Brian Wilson. Yeah, Pet Songs was brilliant, 40 Fucking Years ago! Let’s face it; this guy’s operating system has more bugs in it than Windows 98. If this is ROCK, my ass shits buttermilk. I know that it’s great to honor these artists that have brought us to where we are today, but holy shit, this guy is the walking dead! They should have shown his picture along side of Ray during the “Artists we lost” part of the show. Get a fucking clue people, please. Once again, Brian should have been nominated under my new field “Old Fart Almost Rock”, under the category “Best Instrumental from a lobotomized hippy”.
I can’t help but feel any of the other jam masters nominated should have won, like; The Allman Brothers Band, RUSH, Steve Vai, maybe even Los Lonely Boys… maybe not.
Brian Wilson?!?! Fuck me.

Best Rock Song
(A Songwriter(s) Award. Includes Rock, Hard Rock & Metal songs. For Song Eligibility Guidelines see Category #3. (Artist names appear in parenthesis.) Singles or Tracks only.)

The Grammy goes to..
Vertigo
Bono, Adam Clayton, The Edge & Larry Mullen, songwriters (U2)
[Interscope Records; Publisher: Universal Polygram International Publishing.]

Here is another impressive win for U2, which brings the total GRAMMY number up to 16. That will keep your contract going. It’s a great song and all, but I would have rather seen nominee Velvet Revolver score the award for “Fall To Pieces” off of Contraband. Other nominee’s were; Green Day for the title track off of American Idiot, Killers, and Modest Mouse.
At least Modest Mouse didn’t win.. those guys suck balls!

Best Rock Album
(Vocal or Instrumental. Includes Hard Rock and Metal.)

The Grammy goes to...
American Idiot
Green Day
[Reprise Records]

What can I say, I actually like Green Day. Their no bullshit approach to the music has had me rock’n out in my car more times that I should admit. Any band that just plugs a guitar straight into a Marshall stack can’t be all bad. Congratulations guys!
They were up against some serious talent; Velvet Revolver, Hoobastank, Killers, and even Elvis Costello. I would have been happy with either Green Day or Velvet Revolver, although I was rooting for Velvet Revolver on this one. Green Day’s sound hasn’t changed a lick since their first release, not that it needs too, however Velvet Revolver’s Contraband album is genius, layered in amazing rock chemistry that was more than worthy of a win. My sympathies go out to Velvet Revolver, maybe next time guys.
Keep up the great work! We’ve missed you all.


In summations I would like to say that the GRAMMY’S need an enema. If they can divide rock music into Rock and Alternative, then divide it up so more and get those damn old farts out of the mix. Yes, they do fantastic work and are worthy of a GRAMMY, but not in the ROCK category. Rock has changed people; it will always keep changing, and the Grammy’s need to change with it.

I must admit, there has been improvement. Who would have thought that Cradle of Filth would have ever been mentioned at the Grammy’s, but there they were, and it was damn good to see them on the list. It gives hope for the rest of us hard core rock freaks who are trying to do something different and play to a different tune. Let’s see more.

I don’t agree with many of the Academy’s choices, and that’s o.k. They probably wouldn’t agree with many of mine either. Music is personal, and how we define our different musical taste is as varied as the notes on my 7 string guitar. I believe that MP3 downloads will open up the world to new music that the corporations would have never shown us. The Academy does not. Hey man, maybe it’s time for a mutiny. How does “THE ROCK AWARDS” sound?

For more information on the GRAMMY’s:
The GRAMMY’s
What’s the Download


For more information on Bob Narley:
Bob Narley

The New Comedy CD

I just got news today that 3 of my original comedy productions have been chosen to be included on a brand new nationally distributed comedy CD showcasing exceptional comedy radio productions.

The company that is putting the CD together originally ran a contest looking for the best comedy radio productions, with a sweet $10,000 first prize. Man, I wanted that prize. My Harley would have looked great with some new rims. Of the top 5 places, I scored 2, 3, and 5. I must admit the first place winner had a great comedy bit called “Blond Star”, a parody spot of “On Star”, the car security system. It was very funny and a worthy winner, so I didn’t feel so bad coming in second place behind it. Maybe I’ll get the new rims next year.

The companies that are producing the CD are; All Comedy Radio and New Radio Star. All Comedy Radio, otherwise known as “All Comedy Networks, Inc.”, syndicated their 24/7 comedy radio to about 105 affiliates, mostly AM, out of Hollywood California.

Out of 500 entries, only 40 were selected to make the CD. Of the 40, 3 are mine.

So, the question is, Do I allow my comedy productions to be a part of their CD?

The downside is that the amount of money that I could make from this deal is really pathetic. 1/3 of the revenue goes to All Comedy Radio, 1/3 of the revenue goes to New Radio Star, by the way, New Radio Star is just another company owned by All Comedy Radio, and 1/3 of the revenue goes to all of contributors with each of us getting a percentage of that 1/3 share based on how many entries that we have.

Let’s do the math.
Out of every dollar, .66 cents goes to the owners of All Comedy Radio and New Radio Star. Not a bad haul for not contributing anything but the up front costs of manufacturing the CD and some promotion.

Let’s see what I make out of a dollar. 1/3 of the dollar is for all of us contributors. So that’s 33 cents. There are 40 of us, which means that 40 of us divide the 33 cents. (33/40= .825) That means that each entry gets .8 cents, or less than a penny out of every dollar. I’m lucky; I have 3 entries, so I make a whopping 2.4 cents from each dollar.

I must admit, 2 ½ percent doesn’t sound like much at all. In fact, it’s 7 ½ percent less than Amazon pays out on its affiliate program.

So, now the question is “Is it worth it?”
The truth is, most bands only receive about 7 cents on the dollar for every album they sell, and that is split between the members. If you look at it that way, it’s almost fair. However, from my perspective, I sell my comedy bits on a market exclusive basis for $250. This company will have to sell 1000 CD’s at $10 each, per market, for me to make that money back. We can also look at it this way. I sell my comedy CD’s for $10. They cost me $1.67 to produce, the same that it will cost them. I make $8.33 profit per CD. With about 14 songs and comedy bits per CD, that comes to 59 Cents a bit, or 73 times more than I will make per bit with them. Financially, it’s not that great a proposition.

I have never thought that doing my comedy was about making the most amount of money possible. In fact, I usually spend more money than I make on equipment and other costs associated with creating these comedy productions. I make the comedy because I love to do it, and supplement the cost of the productions with my radio salary. It’s never been about the money, or I would have quit a very long time ago. I think you will find that true of many comedians and musicians.

The real value in allowing my comedy productions to be included on this CD is the exposure. I really like what All Comedy Radio is doing and support their effort. They do a great job promoting comedians and comedy producers, and they provide an awesome venue for comedy material to be exposed over radio. I really believe that having my material included on this CD could possibly open some doors and even expose my material to a whole new audience. It’s for that reason alone that I have decided to allow All Comedy Radio and New Radio Star to include my 3 comedy production on their new Comedy Showcase CD.

Maybe I’ll get those new rims after all. Maybe somebody will hire to do comedy voice over work. Maybe I’ll be able to buy a new production computer for the studio. Hell, I’d be happy to see anything at this point.

The moral of the story, do what you love because you love to do it, not because of the money. Or, don’t quit your day job freak.

You can hear the comedy pieces yourself.

Behind Red Eyes - Parody Song of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes"
I really loved this parody song. I actually performed all the instruments and vocals, and produced the whole thing in my digital production studio. It was a favorite of my listeners at WRQC-FM.

Bob Narley's Kids Kamp - Smoke'n Cock Bar-B-Q
These two parody commercials were created with the help of my good friend and partner in crime, PUCK. Several other popular parody commercials are also listed on the page. Enjoy!

A complete archive of my comedy work and parody songs can be found on my website at http://www.bobnarley.com

Who Cut the Balls Off of Rock Radio?

I'm in mourning. I wear a lot of black clothing anyways, but now it seems more purposeful, more appropriate. Today, I feel the overpowering need to send a Hallmark card with some odd poem conveying my most sincere condolences to rock radio stations all over America. For rock radio is dead! It was brutally murdered. Someone came along and with a mighty whack, cut off it's balls, dropping it down onto it's knee's and leaving it to slowly bleed to death over the airwaves. Tune in your favorite station, and somewhere in between the latest Mudvayne and AC/DC you can actually listen to it's final pitiful breaths filtered through the warm FM compression, weak and powerless, to far gone to even gasp for help.

Sure, the music is still there, the loud guitars and heavy drums, but everything else that made rock radio so great is gone. Don't get me wrong, I love the music, I live for rock music, however if I just wanted to hear the music I could load 5000 of my favorite rock songs, all in a crisp CD quality stereo mp3 format, right into my tiny IPOD, and I could listen all day without hearing a single Levitra or ITT Technical Institute commercial. Rock radio is far more than just the music, it's about an attitude, and a lifestyle, it's about rebellion, and living your life by your own rules. It's about saying "fuck the man!". We tuned in to hear the outrageous DJ's who represented that attitude, and would deliver that attitude with a 100,000 watt signal right into our eager ears. Unfortunately, that attitude is now gone, and it's been replaced by a weak-ass, easy listening, Lite-FM, bland vanilla, neutered DJ delivery, that is about as compelling to listen to as the farmers morning hog report.

The corporate suits that run these rock giants would try and have us believe that nothing is wrong, that there is nothing going on. It's business as usual folks. Never mind the man behind the curtain Dorothy, we are still the great and powerful OZ. It's as if corporate management has tied strings to the lifeless body parts and is dangling them from their fingers like some heavy metal marionette, all the while trying to have us believe that it's still alive, it's just not talking right now. Let's keep those advertising dollars coming in, and maybe the listeners won't notice that the kitchen is closed. We've noticed.

It's a damn shame. There are so many talented radio personalities who would love nothing more than to grab hold of that microphone and throw out a huge dose of rock attitude like the heated exhaust blasting out of a souped up Harley Davidson. They want to do it, it's the very reason they got into radio in the first place, but they can't. Their hands are tied and they have been told to just take it. Like a bitch, they have been told to just sit there, smile, and take it. Do what your told Mr. DJ, and be thankful that you still got a job. Oh, and if you say something wrong that does get us in trouble with the FCC, not only will you be fired, but we'll sue you, and you can pay the excessive fines out of your own pocket. Yeah, that sounds great! What a deal!

Who then is responsible for cutting the balls off of rock radio? Uncle Sam is the man walking around with blood on his hands, and if he's the man, then Michael K. Powell, Chairman of the FCC and Overlord of the airwaves, was certainly his tool. You can see the hairy scrotum proudly mounted to a mahogany plaque above his desk, with a little brass plate underneath that reads, "Severed in the name of Jesus, in order to protect the little children". We can't honestly believe that GW or Michael "Slasher" Powell are the real brains behind this castration. They are just pawns being manipulated by the over moral minority. For the first time ever, any religious freak who knows how to fill out FCC Form 475 can bring a radio station to it's knees, and ultimately sensor the material that is broadcast over those airwaves, claiming that it is "obscene", and appeals to the prurient interest. (Prurient - material having a tendency to excite lustful thoughts)

Today the talented radio personalities have been forced to supplement the rock attitude with other mediocre forms of entertainment. Once aggressive and fun morning shows now sound like an extended audio versions of "Extra Extra" or E Entertainment, featuring fast paced interviews and commentary from today's hottest celebrities. If I hear one more lame ass phone poll, I think I might pull my ears off. I appreciate their creative attempts at filling this noticeable void, but in the end, an 18 to 54 year old male could really care less if it's boxers or briefs, or what it was really like to work with Jennifer Aniston.

So, tip up the bottle and drink your last sip of beer. Step on your cigarette and start heading towards the door. Let the roadies tear down the stage, because this show is over. Rock radio is dead, and I'm really pissed off about it.